big ugly cry

My son started daycare a few weeks ago.

He turned one, started daycare, and I returned to my day job after a year of maternity leave all in the same week.

It was a lot.

Dealing with the practical things was easy enough.

 I planned a birthday party.

 I baked a cake (and when that failed, I baked another... and another. Third time lucky!)

 I cleared a year's worth of clutter from my desk and made space to work from home.

 I bought a daycare bag, name labels, and a drink bottle... everything was ready to go.

I was fine as long as I didn't stop to think about it.

Cake attempt #3. Much better than the first version (which looked like a pancake) and the second (which crumbled instantly!)

Actually, funny story – I was totally fine until I started writing this newsletter 

For weeks, I've been fuelled by adrenaline and denial (and Biscoff lattes – my new obsession). I've been ticking things off my to-do list, not stopping to think, process or feel...

And then, when I started writing this, allllllllllll of the emotions started sinking in.

There was sadness, for sure. I had a big cry last night, thinking about the ending of this chapter: saying goodbye to the baby year, finishing maternity leave, and popping the bubble that my son and I have existed in for so long.

There was grief and anxiety and confusion (seriously, WHERE did that time go?) and plenty of other emotions that I couldn't name but felt intensely as I had a big ugly cry.

But now, it's 6 am. I'm back at my desk, watching the faintest orange glow start lighting up the sky. 

The lorikeets are calling for the sun to rise, and I'm thinking about the beauty of new beginnings.

My son is going out into the world. Meeting teachers, making friends, becoming his own person.

I'm going out into the world, too. I am finding a new rhythm as I return to the work I once did, which is familiar yet so different now.

By avoiding all of the uncomfortable emotions over the last few weeks, I was also closing myself off to this. 

The feelings of possibility.

Of hope.

We've closed one chapter. 

But there are so many beautiful ones just waiting to be written.

With love, 

Samantha

P.S. We have four different four-week courses starting soon! Hoop Dance, Reformer Pilates, Pre-Natal & Beginner Yoga. Learn about each of them by clicking here.

P.S. Our first book club meet-up is in just over a month! Learn more about the upcoming events at Nin Yoga by clicking here.